Holiday Update

Life continues at a pace that I can't seem to match. Four, has pushed me to my brink and yet I wouldn't give one of them up to make my life more managable. So I've opted to hire a baby sitter 2 days a week and try and get back to my novel. In so doing I've had to grapple with the ideals in my head that look down disapprovingly and call me inadequate, selfish, and other mean sorts of names. I plan to say goodbye to my personal critics soon and dig into the work of mothering and writing, hoping that the two can nest peacefully together in my psyche.

Now for the obligatory family rundown, which frankly compensates for my lack of journaling about my children, starting with Zola. The first six months of her seventh year were alarmingly peaceful considering the fire of her early self. And then she started 2nd grade and experienced competition for the attention of her favorite friend, and some snubbing, which was down right painful and ended in a night of heavy sobs and the dredging up of forgotten childhood hurts from our own elementary years. I think she felt less alone, after a little commiseration, but 7 is so fully in the moment, I'm sure it all feels very hopeless. It has been heartbreaking to watch her struggle. She also saw the ballet Dracula on a school fieldtrip and couldn't sleep for 2 months and for some reason she is very worried about her upcoming baptism and wants the fewest people possible to attend--family only, she says. The two aren't related, but show that the second half of her 7th year has been quietly terrifying for her in more ways than one. This is when I hope our love is big enough to promise some sense of safety. In happier news she has learned to make her own toast, peanut butter and honey crackers, operate the stove safely and is now responsible for feeding Zach and Ruth each night--our dogs. (I know sometimes we forget we have them too.) And she's reading SuperFudge and loving it.

Abe is a star in his kindergarten class. According to him, he follows every rule, to perfection and is a model student, which is probably close to accurate. His friends are many, but he spends most of his time with Jack Y. and Jack D, nice boys all. His Christmas list is extensive and ever changing, which is proving tricky, as I've already purchased his 3 gifts. He is also officially finished with O.T., but his aversion to all foods excepting starches has not gone away. We keep offering and he keeps gagging. He watches over his baby brother Walt, following him up the stairs, reporting his progress all the way. "Mom, he's headed up the stairs. Now he's at the main floor. Oh, he's headed up to the landing. Hey mom, he's at the top. M-O-O-O-M." Abe isn't really comfortable hefting the little guy who is easily half his weight. He intermitantly plays with and fights with Zo and/or Atticus. He talks in his sleep occasionally and (literally) sleeps with one eye open. He still climbs into my lap at the end of a hard day and secretly wishes he were Superman. He is sweet.

Atticus is potty trained! Praise Jesus...and the video "Potty Power". We were locked in a battle of wills for a good 3 weeks and I was praying for patience and inspiration. The battle was clearly being won by my determined 3rd child. I waffled between incentives and threats depending on how much sleep I'd had the previous night. It was ugly and no one was feeling to good about anything. And then it dawned on me...he learned all his letters and their sounds in 4 viewings of "The Letter Factory", maybe a video was the answer. Indeed. He is clean and dry both day and night and feeling very proud of his new found autonomy. (Also, much thanks to his Auntie Jeanie for putting on all the adjustable toilet seats. He's no longer worried about falling in, which is important.) He is also incredibly kind to the baby who usurped his former position in the family. When Walt hears him coming he gets absolutely giddy with anticipation. He loves preschool where he spends Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons slathering himself in finger paints and sand. Dana is another favorite in his life (mine too) his new baby sitter who comes on Mondays and Wednesdays. He adores and annoys his older siblings near constantly.

Walt--oh where to begin. He makes me gushy with his snuggly, smushy little face and his pure delight any time I walk into the room. Jon swears he took two steps last week and he is certainly flirting with the idea of walking, wobblying around furniture--standing alone,throwing his arms up as if he's an olympic gymnast. He giggles almost without provocation and adores all forms of hide and seek. Other things he adores: bananas-whole not mashed, the dogs, music, pizza crust, baths, apples, olives, lentils and rice, me, Jon, Zola, Abe and Atticus, climbing the stairs, banging on the washer door, taking the drain cover off the basement shower (gross), exploring the great outdoors, mouthing unedible things, and the doting moms at Teller Elementary. He also slept 11 hours straight 2 times this week. That I have been praying since he came out.

Jon also makes me gushy with his snuggly, smushy face and the way he still lights up when I walk into the room. He made sweet potatoe Latkes for the first day of Hannakah, last night, yum! and brought me a chocolate, chocolate chip custard tonight. It sounds like I love him only because he feeds me, but that's the smallest part. He's my man. His knee is healing from from surgery on a torn miniscus and he's finished his second round of stuff for the foreign service. He didn't blink when I told him I was ready to go back to therapy and start writing again. He continues to be an incredibly involved and supportive husband and father. As well as my favorite person ever, hands down.

If our life and parenting sounds ideal it's not. I yell too often and hear myself saying things like, "Do I look like a trash can" or "can't you please remember to put your shoes back in your cubbies" in a not so kind tone of voice (yes, we have preschool cubbies). The kids still throw some exquisite tantrums, fight as often as they play well, pick there noses, ask for more toys all the time, and rarely come when they are called. Sometimes I think all the doting is a bad way to parent and they get way too much stuff. Which is one of the reasons my house is often a mess regardless of Maria, who comes and cleans it top to bottom every other week and leaves me singing West Side Story. So there you have it, the condensed version of our life at the moment. Oh yeah--we also survived a planned kitchen renovation and an unplanned bathroom renovation (thanks to Kent and Zola who helped us out there.)